The Storm

The storm is unpredictable. The only inevitable is that it will come and I will have to confront it. Sometimes I can feel it brewing deep within me and it doesn’t matter how much I try to put it off, I can’t stop it, eventually I will just have to face it.

When I know it’s coming, I am ready, I know what to do, I’ve sailed those seas before and I know how to navigate the waves. But other times it comes unannounced and I don’t have time to prepare. I just have to ride it out and hope for the best.

I don’t know why it comes or what it wants from me. It doesn’t come for any reason and it serves no purpose. I don’t know if I will ever understand it, I just have to accept it.

The storm isn’t around me or above me, it doesn’t lurk in shadows or crush me from the outside; it grows inside me. And when the clouds turn dark my tears rain down, lightning strikes in screams and the thunder beats on my soul.

While the storm rages, it takes over everything. My body is weak, tired and lifeless. My mind is clouded, I cannot focus and I lose my motivation for everything, work, pleasure, life. My core aches, my heart breaks and my spirit shatters.

I never know how long it will stay, a moment, a day, a week, sometimes longer. When it goes I never know when it will be back again. Sometimes I fear that one day it will come and never go.

The storm within me has always been there and it always will be.

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