The first heartbreak that I can remember was when I was 10. My 3 year old cousin died of an inoperable brain tumour and it broke my heart so much that I stopped believing in God. 17 years later it still breaks my heart every time I think of him and wonder what life would have been like if he was still here. Even though I say I don’t believe, I still pray.
For my thirteenth birthday my Auntie bought me my first ever pet that wasn’t a fish, he was a rabbit called Thumper. My friends at school thought I was mad because of how much I loved him and how much I cried when he died, still aged 13. It didn’t stop me getting pets, I just wanted more and more to love.
At the age of 15, the inevitable happened, I met a boy and I loved him (well at least I thought I did). It wasn’t until I was 16 that he actually broke my heart after finding out that he was a liar. Being the stupid woman that I am, I let him do it again when I was 18. But after that, I never let him or any other man break my heart again, at least not that hard.
When I was 17 my heart broke the hardest when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. There was a brief time in my life where I was uncertain about the future, my future, her future, the future of our family. I was uncertain of myself, I lost who I was, I acted out, rebelled at school, hurt my friends and pushed people away breaking their hearts too. I’d never seen my Dad cry before. Luckily, I am one of the few and fortunate to say that I didn’t lose her.
For my thirteenth birthday my Auntie bought me my first ever pet that wasn’t a fish, he was a rabbit called Thumper. My friends at school thought I was mad because of how much I loved him and how much I cried when he died, still aged 13. It didn’t stop me getting pets, I just wanted more and more to love.
At the age of 15, the inevitable happened, I met a boy and I loved him (well at least I thought I did). It wasn’t until I was 16 that he actually broke my heart after finding out that he was a liar. Being the stupid woman that I am, I let him do it again when I was 18. But after that, I never let him or any other man break my heart again, at least not that hard.
When I was 17 my heart broke the hardest when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. There was a brief time in my life where I was uncertain about the future, my future, her future, the future of our family. I was uncertain of myself, I lost who I was, I acted out, rebelled at school, hurt my friends and pushed people away breaking their hearts too. I’d never seen my Dad cry before. Luckily, I am one of the few and fortunate to say that I didn’t lose her.
I broke my own heart when I was 22. I wasn’t all the things that I wanted to be, I wasn’t going where I had planned or doing anything that I had dreamed. So I tried to take my own life. I broke my parent’s hearts too. But at least now I can say that doing that made me realise that I don’t want to do it again and afterwards I began my journey to learn to love myself.
It broke my heart when I was 23 and my I accidently shattered a water jug that my mom had given to me. Even though it was just an object, it was my Nan’s who passed away when I was three. I felt so silly when I cried but it made me feel close to her. I still search online in case someone is selling the same jug and I’ve learned never to put boiling hot water into anything glass.
Work broke my heart when I was 24. I fell in love with my job and poured my soul into it, but it turned into something else that I didn’t recognise and hurt me to stay, so I had to leave. Now I always put myself first and make sure I have a healthy work life balance.
My best friend broke my heart when I was 25. She didn’t lie to me but she hid the truth. What she covered up didn’t hurt, it was being deceived by someone I trusted. Even though it was supposed to protect me, it did more damage than good. I forgave her because I loved her more than it hurt.
By the age of 26 I was pretty much immune to being hurt by guys, but I hurt myself a little bit every time. I so desperately want to believe in someone and as much as my past experience tells me not to, I can’t help but let myself. I know that one day it won’t be in vain.
It doesn’t get any better at 27. The past 2 weeks have been hell watching someone I love get their heartbroken by someone else I loved. Even though it hasn’t been my heartbreak, it still hurt. It hurt to see her cry and suffer and their relationship deteriorate. It hurt to see something that I loved fall apart because I believed in it and it gave me faith, but now I’ve lost hope again.
I don’t want you to read this and think ‘bloody hell, she’s off again…’ because there is a point to all this heartbreak. The point is, I’m still here, I still have a heart, it still beats, I’m still alive and I still love. Heartbreak is not the end, it’s just the beginning. Every time we break, we get back up, we fix ourselves and we start again. And every time we start again we start with new knowledge, we’ve learnt from our mistakes and we are going to do it better this time. We are stronger because heartbreak makes you stronger. If I can get through it, anybody can.
It broke my heart when I was 23 and my I accidently shattered a water jug that my mom had given to me. Even though it was just an object, it was my Nan’s who passed away when I was three. I felt so silly when I cried but it made me feel close to her. I still search online in case someone is selling the same jug and I’ve learned never to put boiling hot water into anything glass.
Work broke my heart when I was 24. I fell in love with my job and poured my soul into it, but it turned into something else that I didn’t recognise and hurt me to stay, so I had to leave. Now I always put myself first and make sure I have a healthy work life balance.
My best friend broke my heart when I was 25. She didn’t lie to me but she hid the truth. What she covered up didn’t hurt, it was being deceived by someone I trusted. Even though it was supposed to protect me, it did more damage than good. I forgave her because I loved her more than it hurt.
By the age of 26 I was pretty much immune to being hurt by guys, but I hurt myself a little bit every time. I so desperately want to believe in someone and as much as my past experience tells me not to, I can’t help but let myself. I know that one day it won’t be in vain.
It doesn’t get any better at 27. The past 2 weeks have been hell watching someone I love get their heartbroken by someone else I loved. Even though it hasn’t been my heartbreak, it still hurt. It hurt to see her cry and suffer and their relationship deteriorate. It hurt to see something that I loved fall apart because I believed in it and it gave me faith, but now I’ve lost hope again.
I don’t want you to read this and think ‘bloody hell, she’s off again…’ because there is a point to all this heartbreak. The point is, I’m still here, I still have a heart, it still beats, I’m still alive and I still love. Heartbreak is not the end, it’s just the beginning. Every time we break, we get back up, we fix ourselves and we start again. And every time we start again we start with new knowledge, we’ve learnt from our mistakes and we are going to do it better this time. We are stronger because heartbreak makes you stronger. If I can get through it, anybody can.
