There are the fears of the past; both yours and theirs. The fear that your history will repeat itself like every failed relationship that you’ve been in before. The fear that the other person has ghosts in their closet that will come out at any moment.
The fears of the future; the fear of moving too quickly and rushing into things when you don’t feel ready. The fear of moving too slow and the relationship losing momentum or interest and then being stuck in the same place or just breaking up because it’s not going anywhere. The fear of how other people will gauge the pace of your relationship and worrying what the pace should be.
The fear of readiness; am I ready for a relationship? Absolutely not and I don’t think I ever will be.
The fear of doing the traditional scary couple things like meeting each other’s friends and family and then the added fear of being judged by them, and then even worse not liking them but having to spend time with people you wouldn’t normally tolerate.
The fears of the new and unknown; that you know nothing about this person and are not sure what they are capable of. The fear that they are different to other people you have dated and you’re not sure whether it’s a good or a bad thing.
The fear of change; that you will potentially have to change your life to suit them in one way or another but then you question whether you should change for anyone and are these changes that you face making the same as compromise? Where does the line of compromise end and the line of change begin? The fear that you are so used to being on your own that sharing your life with someone else is incomprehensible. The fear that they might change from the person that you fell for into something you don’t like, and then what? Do you stay in a relationship hoping that they will one day change back, which might never happen, or do you leave and risk losing what you had? What if you change and they fall out of love with you or you don’t like the person you’ve become anymore?
The fear of letting someone in your life; to know every part of your mind, body and soul intimately. That’s probably my worst fear.
The fear that you will be right; that all your doubts come true and you have a mental argument with yourself for not listening to your instinct when the first alarm bell starting ringing in your head.
The fear that your will be wrong; that you were worrying and making yourself feel sick all this time for no reason. The fear that you were wrong but your friends were right and he was a complete arsehole and now you face looking like an idiot.
The fear of admitting you’re afraid; because no one wants to admit they’re scared of anything to anyone. The fear that the other person will judge you for being afraid or even worse hold it against you.
The fear of the fears; being scared that you are too scared or not scared enough and how scared should you be? What is the normal amount of scared? Is there a normal amount?
The list of fears is endless but recently I’ve learned that it’s ok to be afraid, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for feeling nervous, we get scared because we have a reason to be. Take a deep breath, take one step at a time, go at your own pace, and don’t let other people influence your own instinct. If it feels wrong then it probably is and if it feels right you’re doing fine.
The fear of admitting you’re afraid; because no one wants to admit they’re scared of anything to anyone. The fear that the other person will judge you for being afraid or even worse hold it against you.
The fear of the fears; being scared that you are too scared or not scared enough and how scared should you be? What is the normal amount of scared? Is there a normal amount?
The list of fears is endless but recently I’ve learned that it’s ok to be afraid, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for feeling nervous, we get scared because we have a reason to be. Take a deep breath, take one step at a time, go at your own pace, and don’t let other people influence your own instinct. If it feels wrong then it probably is and if it feels right you’re doing fine.
