Cornered

Recently I’ve felt as though I’m not moving forward with my life and that I’ve metaphorically backed myself into a corner. It’s all my fault and I’m the only one who can change it. But I also feel as though I’m not able to change it because there are things that I didn’t do in my past necessary to make those changes now.

My only option is to go backwards to be able to move forwards, but I don’t want to do that. I don’t feel as though I have the strength right now, physically, mentally or emotionally. And I have too many other things at stake that I would have to compromise or could potentially lose, which doesn’t make it feel like progress.

In my mind, going backwards is exactly what it says it is, going backwards, so why would anyone want to do that? But then, if you aren’t going forwards, and you’re just staying in the same place, isn’t that the same as going backwards? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.

I’ve always been so sure and I’ve always been the woman with a plan but now I’m just falling apart.

I can’t move forward if I don’t even know what direction I want to go in and I can’t even take time out to think. Everyday my mind runs through the options but I don’t seem to find a solution. Maybe there is a way out, a light at the end of the tunnel and I might see it and get there eventually, but at the moment I can’t find it and being stuck in the same place is slowly eating away at my soul.

Backwards, forwards, stay the same. Make a choice, make a change. It doesn’t seem that easy right now.

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