It’s been seven months since I joined the gym and started my weight loss journey and in the wake of the New Year I decided to push myself harder. However, although I’ve lost weight, which I’m really pleased about, I feel like I’m losing something else as well.Yes I look better and, to some extent, yes I feel better about myself but I feel like I’ve lost other parts of my life.
I’ve changed my diet and I spend an evening a week doing this ridiculous activity known as ‘meal prep’ where you make your food in advance so it’s healthy and you have no excuse to eat rubbish. I can’t let go on the weekends and have a drink because of the big bad calories, I have to eat rabbit food all day and resisting temptation is a constant battle.
I’ve upgraded my workout routine and I spend about four or five evenings a week in the gym. So, as you might have noticed, I haven’t had any time to do my drawings or blogs. I don’t see my friends and family as much and I generally feel as though I have no social life.
I say ‘can’t’ but I can, and I say ‘have to’ but I don’t have to, it is my choice. I’m just beginning to question if achieving the outcome outweighs the sacrifices made. When I look great in the bridesmaid dress at my Auntie’s/Sister’s wedding will I think “wow, this was so worth it” or “wow, I wish I had spent my time doing things that actually meant something because yeah I look great but I’m miserable as sin”?
Maybe one day I’ll find the right balance where I’ll be able to do everything I want in perfect harmony (I wish), but at the moment I feel like not only is the weight disappearing, I am disappearing too. I’m losing all the things that make me, me. Is this the price you have to pay?
At what point will I feel rewarded for all the beads of sweat and all the avoided chocolate bars? At what point will I feel the overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment? It feels nice to have compliments but it would be nicer to feel like I still exist.
P.S. I can't do a handstand.
