I believe in people too easily. I believe what they say and take their every word at face value. I never question any ulterior motives that someone might have, because why would anyone be dishonest? What benefit does it have to them?
I get carried away. My whimsical mind runs before it can walk and fantasise over ideas based on seemingly thin air. But are they? Surely I wouldn’t feel that way for no reason? Is someone else to blame for planting the seeds, for saying the words that made me think those thoughts?
I let people waste my time. Not necessarily in the physical sense of waiting, by all means, leave me waiting at the bar, I can pre-occupy myself there no problem, but waiting for a text, a call, or any form of response for that matter. Send a sodding Pidgeon for all I care, I’m just waiting for communication!
When I don’t get it, even then, every time, I tell myself that there must be a good reason and I send just “one more message”, I call just “one last time”, I wait just “one hour longer”, I give just “one final chance”.
Time is irrelevant in the grand scheme of wasting. It’s the wasted thoughts that hurt the most and the wasted energy that leaves me bereft. I tell my friends that I "won't get my hopes up" but I already have, before I've even said the words they’re already in the clouds before I've even thought them they're halfway to the moon.
I feel like I’m always falling, falling for someone, falling for their lies and then falling for their excuses. I must seem like such a fool but there’s a small part of my soul that hopes each time that it will not be so hopelessly, so I keep falling.
Although I live in hope, it has left me with a bitter taste and a cynical outlook that no one has honest intentions anymore and that everyone’s words are laced with lies. I am a fool and I will always feel foolish for being one, but please don’t make a fool out of me again.
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