Balance

Life is a balancing act. Work, social life, friends, family, exercise, hobbies, home and a million other things. (I’ve purposely left out relationships because I definitely don’t have the time or emotional capacity to handle one of those at the moment).

The past week has been a challenge to say the least. It made me feel like I was walking on a tight rope trying to keep my balance but when I tried to move forward, the universe threw a curveball at me. Every time I thought I was stable, along came another obstacle.

For me, the end of the rope gets further and further away every day. I can’t seem to make progress. The moment I think I’ve got myself and my life together, something else happens to knock me down leaving me constantly on the verge of tears. When it has left, when the disaster is over, it’s gone but it broke me just that little bit more and so it might not be there anymore but the pain still is.

There are things that I can control and change but there are things that I can’t. Like when the brakes fail on my car, when people drop out of planned activities leaving you out of pocket or when my family members are sad and there isn’t anything that I can do to help. Those are the things that affect me the most.

I can’t get off the rope because that would mean falling which would be giving up. And although the temptation to give up overwhelming, it would mean losing so many other things as well.

No one wants to work but we need a job for money, we need money to pay for a life, we need a life to feel alive, and if we’re not alive then we might as well be dead. Living has responsibilities and they are always hard, so life can never be easy.

I’m in no way deluded and I know that life will never be easy, but can it at least be a little bit easier sometimes? Please? It’s hard enough to maintain balance as it is but when everything happens at once I want to leave the circus and never come back.

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